Why Does Everyone Keep Telling Me to Meditate?
The most important step in discovering why I became addicted to drinking was asking, “What was so bad about being sober?” At least, that was the advice (assignment) my therapist gave me.
It may not come as a surprise, but my incessant craving to get drunk stemmed from feeling captive in my own skin. Alcohol helped me break out from the heavily walled prison, my own personal hell — my mind.
The way alcohol would pour directly into the emptiness I felt inside and replete my soul, left me craving more. I felt warm and delightful when I normally felt dissatisfied, even desolate. Trapped inside my own prison, I was attempting to claw out and find peace. Although the happiness that drinking provided was false in the end, alcohol made me feel alive- a rush of dopamine helped save me from myself. It was the ability to escape my thoughts that created my inevitable addiction.
When I could no longer run away from my feelings, I realized what I needed was to numb them out. I deployed alcohol to anesthetize my suffering, anxiety, hopelessness, an abundance of intense emotions I felt.
“You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol, you treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol.” — Nick Miller
One of the (many) problems with using alcohol as my over-the-counter pain-reliever, is that alcohol did not and does not solve any dilemma. In fact, drinking increased my internal warfare. I was far-gone… lost to dependence by the time I realized this.
Meditation is obnoxiously touted in the recovery community — a slew of recovering addicts recommend practicing meditation to survive sobering anxieties. It’s an old story that I have tried to adopt yoga into my life, but meditation? Never. I couldn’t imagine sitting still for one minute, and I‘m not supposed to think either?! Fuck no.
Now, as a result of years of substance misuse and abuse, let’s just say my brain is fucked- in terms of systematical functioning, not to mention my overall mental wellness is disappointing. So after enough defiance, I am starting to meditate. While I am no meditation master, I know the benefits that stem from committing to practicing mindfulness.
Meditation is a complex concept, a state of thoughtless awareness. In simpler terms, it is a mind-body practice that allows people to achieve a sense of calmness and relaxation by sitting comfortably still and focusing on the breath. Meditation improves mental, emotional, and physical well-being and is often practiced throughout recovery to assist in remolding our brains, to heal the damage caused by addiction.
I’ve learned (the hard way) the more we attempt to quiet our thoughts, the louder they become; To truly reflect is to recognize and accept negative emotions. When we are able to be still for a moment and observe what exactly is buzzing within our psyche, we have an easier time distinguishing an important detail: You are not your thoughts.
It never occurred to me that I am separate from the voice in my head. All of the numbing, running, and self-sabotage I suffered in my active addiction, could have been better solved by meditation than medication. I wanted so desperately to escape myself, yet the solution was always within me.
Meditating activates the pre-frontal cortex, which promotes the release of endorphins — our feel-good chemical. After sitting in meditation for a few minutes, focusing on my breath, and remaining at peace, euphoria washes over me; Similar to the warm, fuzzy feeling I experienced after one drink. Even a brief meditation flow provides enough tranquility to pour into the rest of my day- And if completed at night can induce enough relaxation to benefit sleep.
When we get out of our own way, we can truly learn to love and accept ourselves. What a relief it is to no longer run. I have found peace within myself for the first time, and no longer chase the high that helped me to escape reality. I am recovering mentally, emotionally, and physically from the demons that used to haunt me.
You are the commander of your own happiness. Manifest the fuck out of what you want, and go after it.
xx Much Love
Notes:
There is no one way to meditate, so if you’re not keen on the traditional practice there is still hope. Various meditation practices include:
- Mindfulness Meditation- Paying attention to your thoughts, without judgment, as they pass through your mind and observing specific bodily sensations, feelings, or thoughts.
- Spiritual Meditation- Reflecting on the silence around you as you seek a deeper connection to your Higher Power; Similar to prayer.
- Focused Meditation- Concentrating on internal or external influences using any of your five senses. Examples: Awareness of breath, focusing on a candle flame or listening to a gong.
- Movement Meditation- For those who don’t easily sit still. Yoga is the most common practice of movement meditation but you can also go for a walk, garden, or use other gentle movements in this practice.
- Mantra Meditation- Uses a repetitive sound to clear the mind, such as the popular “Om”. You will be more alert and in tune with your environment after chanting your mantra.
- Transcendental Meditation- A more serious approach to meditation, where you sit for twenty minutes focusing only inwards with thoughtless awareness. Mantras can be added to TM and customized to your flow.
- Progressive Relaxation- Aimed at reducing tension in the body and promoting relaxation. Commonly known as body scan meditation (my favorite to practice before bed).
