Addiction Will Try to Sink its PAWS Back Into Your Life
I do my best to steer away from writing about any doom and gloom in sobriety. While my life is more fulfilling than ever before, nothing in life comes easy, and it’s important to share the ugliness as well. When I first made the commitment to quit drinking, I started seeing a psychiatrist to be prescribed Naltrexone- a medication that is used to manage alcohol dependence. Like all medication, Naltrexone does not start its work immediately; I did not stop drinking as soon as I filled the prescription. What Naltrexone did for me was allow me to consume less alcohol over time, until I eventually quit drinking altogether. If you’ve quit (anything) cold-turkey, more props to you! Because of Naltrexone and the inevitable decrease in my overall consumption, my initial withdrawal from alcohol was surprisingly smooth. Immediate alcohol withdrawal can be deadly, so it is important to consult with your doctor before quitting if you could be considered a ‘heavy drinker’.
Unfortunately, there is not just one period of withdrawal. No, because addiction is a bitch- like the crazy ex who can’t take a hint, even after you’ve kicked them out (or blocked their number)… there is, of course, another period of withdrawal. Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) is the second stage of withdrawal with symptoms that usually peak between three and six months of abstinence. These symptoms are mental and psychological versus physical (initial withdrawal), and consist of; Depression and anxiety, inability to concentrate or think clearly, difficulty sleeping.. while also being fatigued, increased sensitivity to stress, and irritability. (That’s not even all of them!) The real bitch is PAWS seems to happen at different times, with different symptoms, and occur for an unspecific amount of days.. or weeks, for each individual experiencing it. Elusive and deceptive, these symptoms put people at risk for relapse.
As of this writing, I have been free from alcohol for three months and some days. The timeline sure fits, because I suddenly feel like I’m losing my mind. Remember the Pink Cloud I mentioned in a previous blog? Those before me have written about their Pink Cloud dissipating around the three or four-month period, so I thought I was prepared as I approached the three-month mark. What I didn’t realize is that your Pink Cloud is actually being run over by a dump truck, filled with all the misery you felt in your addiction.
Crazily enough, I remember the first day I felt the effects; I suppose I got used to being in a really good mood all the time. Monday before Thanksgiving, nothing extreme happened I just had a shitty, fucking day. One of those days that strips you of all mental sanity. I thought it was because I skipped out on Youtube Yoga that morning (and that probably has a little to do with it). I didn’t entirely know about PAWS until days later… after having repeated, exhausting days. It was actually a post on Instagram (thanks algorithm gods), and it explained in proficient detail exactly what I had been feeling nearly every day prior. I was becoming ridden with anxiety that my beloved Pink Cloud turned grey, now relieved to have an answer.
Patience is a virtue when experiencing Post Acute Withdrawal symptoms. Published articles suggest continuing ‘self-care’ which (for me) means YouTube Yoga, meditation, reading, taking breaks, journaling- everything I’m currently practicing in sobriety. Luckily, like the Pink Cloud, PAWS does not last forever. These symptoms I’m experiencing are occurring because my brain chemistry is returning to normal. Just goes to show that poisoning your mind and body for so many years, really does have an effect. My body is healing itself, in unique (and frustrating) ways. I still have no desire to drink for the foreseeable future and am perfectly happy being alcohol-free. I am so much better off physically, mentally, and emotionally without alcohol; Even my low days are still exceptionally higher than what would have been considered a ‘good day’ when I was drinking.
This journey isn’t always peachy, but it’s certainly better than drinking.
