Sober Summer Scaries
Instead of hot-girl-summer, I celebrated drunk-girl-summer; There was nothing I loved more than getting shit-faced in the summer sun.
In the months leading up to this summer, I was anxiously preparing, I knew the storm that lay ahead of me. How was I going to manage? Was my summer going to be any fun? Is this when I find out how ordinary sobriety is? I began to revamp my sobriety tool-box — a theoretical box that contains tools to keep at your disposal when you feel triggers or a struggle to main your sobriety — fitting it out for my first summer sober.
Plan! Plan! Plan!
As scrupulous as planning seemed at first, I realized it’s better to be prepared than forgo my wellbeing. Plus, it’s pretty fucking cool to finally cherish me.
The first step to my planning is always figuring out which situations could be harmful to my recovery and which ones felt safe. How big of an event is this? Is it a drinking-centered event or low-key? Who all is going to be there? Once I narrowed that down, I needed to prepare for how it might unfold. What am I going to say when someone asks me if I’m drinking? What time should I leave?
I practiced this before I quit drinking too when I was aware of my problem but wasn’t ready to completely stop. I’d plan out how many drinks I was going to have, what exactly I would order, what time I’d be leaving, and how I was getting home.
Find experiences that don’t correlate with drinking:
Not long into my sobriety, it became clear that I was going to have to change different aspects of my life and how I spent my time was certainly one of them. I swapped drinking by the pool with kayaking down a river; Bar-hopping on weekends turned into a weekly hike with friends; Avoidant rest, like sitting on the couch watching TV all day is now spent more productively by reading at the park on a sunny day. I quickly realized I enjoyed these activities more than getting buzzed.
Find a delicious mock-tail:
It was difficult to seek occasions that were not associated with drinking; I drank through almost everything I did. Some routine hangouts felt safe and survivable, others felt like struggling on a teetering line. For the times I felt confident I always packed a cooler (or was in some way prepared) with drinks of my own. My drink choice depends on the occasion; I rotate varying flavors of seltzer water, alcohol-free red wine or champagne, ginger beer mixed with cranberry juice, or a standard Sprite. This is the tastiest way to stay sober.
Remembering my why:
This is probably my most important step in remaining sober. I constantly remind myself that if I go back to drinking, my destruction will pick up right where it ended. I playback some of my worst moments drunk and how I felt during that time. When I think about drinking, I know that it’s not the drink that I want but the drunk.
Appreciate the present:
It’s no surprise that when I’m not getting drunk, I am clear-headed and present. By not suppressing or enhancing my mood with substances I can enjoy a full and pure sensation. Not being inebriated has turned out to strengthen my relationships and connection to others. I learned to appreciate small moments, and am beginning to lessen my desire to fill space.
Maintain my routine:
As a full-time peasant to both work and school, I rarely have enough time for adventure. Not to mention, I tend to crave stimulation — or heavy hits of dopamine — when I’m sitting idly. So it’s only fitting that continuing to abide by my schedule is a sure-fire way to avoid drinking.
During the week while I am tending to my daily responsibilities I am also coordinating plans for my day off. But one day off never feels like enough. My schedule often feels overwhelming yet mundane; I work long days and feel like I don’t get enough time to myself. This monotonous cycle has caused issues before. After periods of success — attending school, not drinking, not smoking, keeping up with a sufficient morning and evening routine, doing everything that I should be doing — I hit a wall and relapse into old habits. Finding balance can be hard, so my therapist taught me to plan a day of rest when I feel myself approaching that wall (instead of acting on impulse and using rest as avoidance).
This summer has been more rewarding and exciting than any summer drunk. I lived in a balance of adventure and responsibility. I began volunteering for a non-profit to cut hair for men living at rehab centers and found a passion for supporting people in recovery. I accomplished sober fun at an Atlanta United game with a friend while drinking alcohol-free beer. I went on my first-ever solo vacation and learned what it means to appreciate my time alone. I spent the day soaking up the sun at the lake, celebrating a friend’s birthday, and discovered a more fulfilling connection. I maintained my school schedule and am finally in the home stretch after a taxing two and a half years. And to top it off I am sliding into one year sober with a celebratory trip to Austin alongside my beau.
Warm weather and a shining sun and no longer feel doom and gloom to my recovery. The anxiety I once felt withered away as I realized I could truly have fun without drinking. My life has changed exponentially over the last year, and every single bit of it for the better.
