Please, Drink Responsibly
What the fuck does that even mean? Do any of us really know?
I thought it could mean “Don’t drink and drive”. Or maybe, “Best not to mix with medication”. It could possibly mean “Women should consume no more than four drinks in one night; five for men”.
I thought I was drinking responsibly… until I wasn’t. I never drove drunk, until I did. For me, drinking a six-pack a night was routine. It was too late for me by the time I was mixing alcohol with my anti-depressant.
Growing up, I was never taught the true dangers of alcohol over-use. At the same time, I was being culturally-conditioned to believe drinking alcohol was commonplace, often encouraged. The DARE program’s mascot, Daren the Lion, roared at us to “Just Say No!” While society reassured us we’re safe… as long as we know our limits and don’t go over. I thought it was really fucking cool to drink every weekend with my friends. Nobody warned me I’d be on the fast-track to becoming an alcoholic by the time I was twenty-one.
As a result of never being taught the long-term risk of underage drinking, I happily signed my name to a contract I did not understand. I experienced my first drunk when I was fourteen years old, and while I hated the taste of alcohol, I fucking loved being drunk. After awaiting that moment for so many years, I took my first sips of freedom, and I felt alive. That night, I punched my ticket, sat down on my metaphorical roller-coaster titled Life, and started my ascent. First slowly and then all at once, I reached my tipping point and raced downward into the spiral of addiction.
As an insecure teenager, drinking was the social lubricant I so desperately craved. I discovered immediately that alcohol drowned the parts of myself that I didn't like. I’d anxiously wait until the booze made it’s way into my bloodstream, with every sip of poison, I sunk lower until my sentient self was no longer in control. I didn’t know moderation, and drank with only one goal in mind: To get drunk. What was the point in drinking, if not to get tanked?
Patricia, my infamously dubbed drunk-self, loved drinking more than I did. What started out as a laughable cover to my embarrassing actions, quickly turned into child-like behavior. There was seldom an evening of drinking that didn’t result in absurdity. It’s true that we can feel and act like different people when we drink; However, I believe that “different person” is actually our subconscious, the parts that are hidden, even from ourselves — the ugly, the messy, the dramatic, all of the pieces we ignore. When I look closely at the Perils of Patricia, I can see my brokenness; It was no use then to learn that drinking alcohol can increase depression and create chaos. In a more therapeutic lesson, I wasn’t aware of my covert motives behind drinking.
My misunderstood cries for help persisted until I stopped drinking the first time. Patricia didn’t necessarily return after my forty-five day hiatus from alcohol, rather another form of self-sabotage took place. By this point in my active addiction I rarely went out, there were too many liabilities if I drank outside the comfort of my own house…. or bedroom while living with my parents. I was no longer drinking for the fun of it, or to fit in; I drank in solitude, with no one around to judge me. I was drinking to de-stress from work, sipping to sleep better, searching for bliss at the bottom of a bottle.
Eventually, cracking open a cold one to unwind after a long day turned into withdrawal-induced tremors. It was no longer about wanting alcohol, I needed alcohol. I constantly called out of work, or was grossly hungover during my shift and ultimately lost my job(s). I wasn’t eating, my diet consisted only of White Claw, Scofflaw, or whatever was available. I was withering away, physically and mentally. I met rock-bottom as I took self-sabotage to a new level and wound up in the hospital with twenty-three staples in my leg.
I wasted so many years getting wasted. Running away from myself and chasing a delusion. I let someone other than my best, true, brightest self control my life. I was spoon fed lies that alcohol improved my social life, made me cool, calmed me down, made me fun, etc. I lived and learned the hard way.
The truth is, even if I did receive proper risk reduction education, I don’t know for certain that I would have listened. I’m not going to waste my time imagining “what if” but instead do my best to continue living and learning through my sobriety.
I’m not here to tell you that abstinence is the answer, I realize it’s a scary jump for many people to make, myself included. Up until a year ago, abstinence was not an option for me. I did not enthusiastically jump into sobriety upon first realization that my drinking was problematic. To start, I had countless sessions with my therapist discussing harm reduction around alcohol.
Harm reduction is an approach to treating substance abuse that does not require the patient to commit to abstinence before treatment begins. My therapist and I discussed boundaries around drinking such as: Keeping track of how many drinks I will have; Not going out to my favorite bars and restaurants; No liquor, only beer or wine; No drinking on work nights; No drinking past 11pm. However, I was wise enough never to impose a drink limit, I knew that once I started… I wasn’t stopping.
Harm reduction is often used for individuals who have already crossed the line into addiction, or are dangerously close. Prior to harm reduction, I believe an important aspect to limit your drink consumption is to practice mindful drinking. Mindful drinking is being aware of why you drink and how much alcohol you are consuming. Being more aware of your decision to have each drink likely means consuming less alcohol, and discovering your why may lead you to answers you didn't realize existed — your hidden motives.
Big Alcohol wants us to stay confused on what it means to Drink Responsibly; They’re counting on us to drink mindlessly, to fit in with the mold that everyone drinks, and believe only those who are predisposed to addiction will suffer from it. There are no clear rules on what it means to drink responsibly, because they don’t want us to responsibly imbibe.
What are my suggestions, as a recovering addict, on mindful drinking and harm reduction?
Start Simple
Rules around drinking can certainly backfire leading us to drink more, so it’s wise to start small. Small steps toward change create large waves of development. Ask yourself, what kind of life you want to live, and how does alcohol fit into that?
If you’re worried about drinking alone, maybe you set a boundary that you will only drink in a social setting, with the company of others. Instead of imposing a drink limit on yourself for an evening, you could pace yourself, having no more than one drink per hour. If shots of liquor send you over the edge, don’t accept a round… even if someone else offers.
Everyone’s starting line is going to differ, you (and maybe a trusted professional) are the only one who can decide what is right for you.
Plan Ahead
Try to make decisions around alcohol in advance. If you are going out with friends be sure to know: How many drinks you are going to have that evening; How you are going to get home; How much money you are going to spend. If you’re going out on a work-night, what time should you be back home and in bed… Should you even go out drinking on a work night?
The more you know, the better prepared you are.
Knowing How Much is Too Much
As a society, we are unaware of how much we should be drinking. According to the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism “low risk” drinking is defined as: No more than two drinks daily for healthy adult men, and one drink daily for healthy adult women. However, these are not perfect recommendations because they can still lead to alcohol-related problems and they suggest daily drinking is safe. So what really is the sweet spot? How do we cut back properly if the professionals don’t even have the answers?
Stop drinking before you stop thinking. In general, men lose their “off switch” after three to five drinks consumed, and women after two to four drinks in less three hours. Our previously outlined rule, no more than one drink per hour is a good start to not going over our limits. Once we lose our off switches, we are unable to stop drinking on our own. If you’re like me and cannot stop once you start we have bigger fish to fry, my friend.
Discover Your Why
From the moment I started drinking, I drank to get drunk. If we examine that honestly, it’s Drug Use 101 — Prescription drugs aren’t abused because of their ability to numb the original pain, but their ability to numb all painful feelings; People aren’t using heroin to fit in with their friends, it’s for the high. It’s clear to me now that drinking to get drunk was a red flag.
Be intentional with your drinking. Ask yourself, honestly, why are you drinking? Additionally, before saying yes to another round, pause and ask whether each drink supports you. Do you really need another, can you afford another? If we continue to stay mindful throughout the evening, we are more likely to consume less.
Be Aware of Heavy-Drinking Triggers
This is a hard one because triggers can be social, environmental, situational or personal/emotional. If you do exceed the limits you have set for yourself, back track and figure out where you went overboard.
Environmental triggers include people, places and events that you associate with alcohol. Maybe you have a group of friends who drink till dawn, or a bar that you frequent until closing time. When making plans to hangout at places or with people who may trigger you, think ahead — Don’t go out if you have an early morning and can’t count on yourself to get back home. Instead, plan for a weekend night, or an evening where you have more time.
Emotions like fear, anxiety, guilt, shame or depression are powerful stressors that overwhelm our coping mechanisms and lead to dangerous outcomes. We have become accustomed to believe that alcohol relives anxiety. You should not drink if you’re feeling down. I have made this point many times throughout previous blogs because it’s important — Alcohol is not a medicine that relives negative emotions, but rather a toxin that accelerates anxiety.
If you find yourself struggling to moderate, you are not alone. If you are terrified of sobriety, you are not alone. If you’re worried you may be drinking too much, you are not alone. My intention is not to influence a massive sober uprising, my only hope is that people will start to honestly examine their drinking habits and decide, for themselves, how they want to continue living.
Abstinence is not the only answer, and takes time to achieve. However, for me cutting alcohol out of my life was the only way to improve my sense of self. I have discovered that I don’t need alcohol to live a fulfilling life. In fact, my life is more worthwhile without my crutch. Maybe you will have the same realization one day, but for now let’s start simple.
The Eight Core Values of Harm Reduction:
Understanding- Understand the choices you have made in your life. Knowing why you drink is an important start to figuring out what to do about it.
Acceptance- Accept yourself and your choices. Appreciate that you are doing your best, and look for the strengths, humor and cleverness in your efforts.
Compassion- Guilt is paralyzing; you must forgive yourself and have self-compassion in order to move forward in your journey to balance and moderation.
Kindness- Be kind to yourself and surround yourself with people who are kind to you (and respect your boundaries)
Connection- The opposite of addiction is connection. Attachment — to your favorite hard cider or glass of bold red — can be replaced by, or exist alongside connection to other people.
Freedom to Choose- Always remember that you have autonomy, the right to have a say in the direction of your life.
